Freedom Calls

I keep making keys to the same prison cell, only to lock myself back in again and again.

Can you relate to this feeling?

You feel you are doing your best, the right job, the straight and narrow path of adulting, being a responsible child to your parents. In every circumstance life throws your way, you overcome. Even times when you self-sabotage. You always find a way to open the cell, eager and excited for another opportunity.

But as the sands in the hourglass fall to their end, you end up right back sleeping on that lonely cot.

Relationships, personal, professional and internal have all sentenced you to be imprisoned.

What do you do?

Simple.

Create another key or pick the lock with some innovative pivot.

Pretty soon or much later, you manage to walk through the iron bars, down the familiar hallway, basking in the open skies, re-watching your continuous escape.

I know what it is like to return to the world of thriving and surviving, growing and redefining. Living so boldly that I forgot what being caged was like.

Then the universe takes up the task of reminding me.

Call it karma or poor life choices, or the red riding hood in the wolf’s story.

Eventually, I drag tired feet on the dirty, hard concrete floor, glance at the locked prison cell and decide this time I won’t try to break free.

You won’t try to break free today.

Minutes become weeks of purposeful detachment and deeper depression.

You wake, you sleep, you dream, you eat and repeat.

You start to believe freedom isn't meant for you. That you are undeserving of its kindness, so stay put and reminisce on the days you had it as a friend.

You start to realise that escaping was never the real challenge — it's staying free that I haven't learned to master.

Transcription of this raw, unfiltered moment where I recorded my struggle with freedom:

(00:00:12):

Freedom is calling me.

(00:00:35):

But I can't answer.

(00:00:39):

But I can't answer.

(00:00:44):

Freedom is calling me.

(00:00:51):

But I can't answer.

(00:00:55):

But I can't answer.

(00:01:30):

freedom is calling me
but i can't answer
but i can't answer
freedom is calling me

(00:01:50):

but i can't answer
but i can't answer

(00:02:01):

Freedom is calling me
God,

(00:02:05):

I wanna answer
God,

(00:02:09):

I wanna answer
Please,

(00:02:11):

please,

(00:02:11):

please,

(00:02:12):

please,

(00:02:13):

please,

(00:02:13):

please
Free Freedom is calling me
But I can't answer
Let me free,

(00:02:22):

let me free
But I can't answer
Let me free,

(00:02:25):

let me free Free Freedom is calling me

(00:02:33):

But I can't answer
But I can't answer
Freedom is calling me
I wanna answer
I wanna

(00:02:54):

answer
Freedom is calling me

(00:03:01):

But I can't answer
No, I can't answer

If freedom has been eluding you, I invite you to find your key with the help of the Then Til Now The Decade Continues book of poetry and journaling. Volume II offers intimate revelations from my personal life experiences and observations compiled over the last 10 years.

Reawaken your fire with a printed or digital copy:

Thank you for tuning in to this special episode of Madam Poetry Podcast. If you like more of this type of creative expression, please let me know, and I can release other recordings that have never been heard before. There is quite a lot.

Love,
Toya